sketchysantaresize

In Defense of a Two-Month Christmas Season

Sometime around Thanksgiving every year it starts. The inevitable griping about the early start of the Christmas season. This year I was lucky enough to have Twitter, an aggregation of my generation’s incessant bitching. “Why am I seeing Christmas commercials already? #itsthanksgiving #princessprobzzz #hashtagsrkewl” My response, respectfully of course, is #gofuckyourself Christmas is by far … Continue reading

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Guest Post on Foot Fetish

No it’s not a fetish website. It’s Ryan Cleary’s blog on football, and it’s the best one around. Check out my guest post on Foot Fetish.

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The Bittersweet Ballad of Uncle Jim, Part Two: Uncle Jim’s European Vacation

If you’re just tuning in, then you’re going to want to check out Part One of the tale of Uncle Jim. When we left the can collecting, drink-addled madman, he was about to tell me about his European adventures. Specifically, Bulgarian nude beaches. I just wanted to note that Jim has a tendency to ramble … Continue reading

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The Bittersweet Ballad of Uncle Jim, Part One: “Kooky, But Not Too Kooky”

A few weeks ago when I originally posted about Afro Baby I promised there would be something about “Uncle Jim” in the near future. And honestly, I’ve purposely been putting it off. There really wasn’t much of a story outside of his expletive-ridden rants and drunken antics. He curses in such a way that even … Continue reading

Our Perception of the Roof

The Roof

Rooftops have been inspiring great art for years. Right after graduating from U.C.L.A. back in the 60s, Jim Morrison spent his summer living on the roof of his apartment building, dropping acid and penning some of music’s most lasting lyrics. Well I wouldn’t be surprised if 40 years from now they’re talking about me, who … Continue reading

Wow, I just noticed how sad the Oompa Loompa on the bottom-right is. Jesus.

That Time I Delivered Candy to Gene Wilder

Who can take a sunrise Sprinkle it in dew Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two? I can, motherfuckers. That’s right. I delivered candy to Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka himself. You know in movies when a seemingly unimportant character comes out of nowhere and rescues the hero? Well yeah, that’s basically me. The … Continue reading

MORE LIKE BREAKING BADASS, AM I RIGHT!?!

Watch Breaking Bad

I’m going to try and do this as best I can without spoilers, but hold on; if you are reading this sentence, then you’re not following the simple instruction at the top of this post. You’re reading this and not watching Breaking Bad. Simply put, Breaking Bad is the best thing on television right now. … Continue reading

The Cream Dream

As I sit here typing, a friend of mine is next to me eating the leftovers of his attempt at a homemade blooming onion. For those of you who don’t know, a blooming onion takes some of the best things in the world (onions, batter, spicy sauces, and deep-fryers) and combines them into a mouth-watering, … Continue reading

The Infamous Afro Baby of Hughes Ave

Out here on the rough and tumble streets of the Bronx, there are plenty of shady characters to keep you vigilant. If you’re up early enough, you can find the incredibly vulgar, and equally entertaining, man known only as “Uncle Jim” (more on him in a future post) sitting on the stoop of 2488. And … Continue reading

M.E.A.T. Club

Shortly after class last Wednesday, a few friends and the gents over at Yello Haus kicked off the first of what we hope will be a weekly tradition. It was the first meeting of the M.E.A.T. Club, that is, Men Eating Animals Together. Pretty self-explanatory. I understand how this might appear to the casual observer. … Continue reading